Getting Recovery later in life - Sober in Daytona

I lived a fairly normal early life. Though in retrospect, I had early alcoholic behaviors. I was a popular kid - being good at sports and well liked by girls - but I always enjoyed being alone. I also was a people pleaser and often thought I wasn't good enough, even though to the outside world, I seemed to have it "all together"

I enjoyed alcohol socially and rarely went overboard but even then, I had a capacity to out-drink my friends and had some occasional blackouts. As I progressed through my 20's and 30's, my main motivation was "self". I wanted to accomplish great things, have the perfect family - no flaws.

I began using alcohol (usually wine) and later - prescription pills daily to cope with stress. Most of this dependence happened after I turned 40 - with kids, a house and a business. I felt alone and overwhelmed all the time and my quiet time self medicating was turning out to be my favorite time of the day. I began to neglect my family, our finances and I began to avoid most social situations. The disasters began. First it was possessions (car, money, cashing out of retirement money). I was so dumbed down in my brain from the drugs and alcohol that I lost my ability to process anything.

I suffered more consequences over and over again. Being forced out of my house - with my personal police escort a few times, attempts at living in a few sober houses, DWI, periods of homelessness, hospitals, rehabs and horrible shame and guilt that just got worse and worse. I needed Help.

I had been in and out of recovery several times but I never made it the first priority. I considered recovery and being sober as a punishment. I had no interest in following the program as it's laid out. I always blamed my circumstances. None if it seemed solvable. So why stay sober and miserable? I was a sick guy needing a lot of help.

I knew I had to take advantage of my last chance. I took a bizarre route and found "Solutions By the Sea" in Daytona Beach Florida. I am from the Northeast. I am convinced a higher power got me there. It has allowed me to put my recovery first and work a full program of recovery to re-build my life. I still struggle but with my sober support around me - One Day At A Time, I'm able to put my sobriety first, build my spiritual side and work/help others. I am very blessed and grateful today. If I don't look ahead or dwell on the past - but stay in the moment, I can continue my recovery and feel optimistic about my life.

Andrew H
Daytona Beach, FL